Ups and Downs

Summer with Jellybean has had its ups and downs so far. On Sunday, he turns 19 months, which doesn't seem possible. One of the "ups" has been to take JB on day trips and see his reactions. We went to Santa Cruz a few weeks ago with some friends and the high point of my day was watching the little guy ride on rides like big kids do. I think I had more fun watching him than he did on the rides. He only had me to help him stay on the carousel. The rest of the attractions he rode by himself - he was so brave! I expected a few different things - that he would scream once I was outside the gate, that he would try to stand up on the ride, or that he would somehow figure out how to undo his safety belt and fall. Thankfully none of these happened. One of the downs was attempting to spend time on the beach. JB did not want to put his bare feet in the sand, so it was difficult to get all of our gear to that perfect spot where we were close to the water, but far enough away from the boardwalk. I discovered that strollers don't maneuver very well in sand, so it was just one more thing to carry. That JB would not walk in the sand should not have surprised me since he had a similar reaction to walking barefoot on grass. When I attempted to get him to do this by holding him under his armpits and dangling him over the grass, he held his body very tightly in an "L" shape so that there was no danger of the green stuff touching his feet.

Another "up" was our trip to Seattle. He did surprisingly well on the airplane ride, and was really pretty good at the places we stayed. We mostly stayed with my dad, and I thought he would get into more things, but JB did minimal damage. It was also fun to see JB interact with my dad and my friends. He's very social now and can say things like "hi", "bye", and "wuba" (which loosely translated is "love ya"). I think the most fun I had was watching him interact with my dad's friends' 6 month-old girl. I was worried at first that he would be rough with her, but he only poked her in the eye once. I instructed him to "use nice hands" and to "give her a kiss", which he did. She was so enamored that she stared at him and leaned in for kisses periodically.

The major "down" of this summer has been the lack of sleep. Jellybean has been waking up at various times of the morning several times a week for the last 3 weeks. He has this horrible cry, and when I tried to let him "cry it out", it only escalated. The bad thing is that, depending on the time he wakes up (this morning it was 4:30), he may or may not go back to sleep. If he does return to sleep, it sometimes takes quite a while to get him to that point. I've had to be a detectivce since I have no idea why he's waking up, and he cannot verbalize enough to tell me. I've tried giving him yogurt before bed because his appetite has not been that great, I've tried changing his pajamas to make sure he's comfy, we've changed the temperatures in the house to make sure he's not too hot or cold. I have to concur with what H said - that really why he's waking up may be out of our control. I am just hoping to have some semblance of normal sleep return by the time I go back to work in late August.

Ending on a positive note, it seems like Jellybean learns new things every day. He has at least 20 words that he says, and is now just starting to combine two words. He is very active and curious about everything. His whining is starting to decrease as he is able to tell me more of what he wants. He is still so loving and sweet - at random moments JB comes over to lean his head on my shoulder and give me a slobbery kiss. When I'm playing with him, he will sometimes look at me and say "wuba". So even with the trials of sleep deprivation and pre-terrible-two behaviors, there are plenty of moments that I will cherish.

Long Overdue

14 months - February 2009

A lot has been happening lately on all fronts, and an update is long overdue. So much time has passed since my last post that I don't know where to begin, but I'll give it my best college effort.

We just returned today from L.A., where we visited H's sisters and had one night to ourselves. It was kind of a trial run of leaving Jellybean overnight with someone else, and he did pretty well. We have a few couples who we share babysitting with for a few hours at a time for small dates, but it's nice to know that the world won't come crashing down if we want to go away for a few days.

Jellybean is changing so much. He is finally walking, and his favorite thing is to push his stroller around. My mom also got him a shopping cart for his birthday, and he loves to throw the plastic items out of the cart and then push it all over our living room. I'm getting a good glimpse of his personality. He can be very sweet and charming, and absolutely LOVES other kids. The last time I took him to the doctor, there was this toy in the waiting room that he wanted to play with - it was a large sized cube with different activities and beads on each side. This one little girl was being a brat and would block JB from playing with any part of the cube. Finally, he went up behind her and grabbed her shirt. I thought for certain that he would pull her down in order to get to the cube. Instead, he laid his head against her back to give her a hug. She looked at him like he was crazy and ran off to her mother, at which point Jellybean finally was able to play with the cube. As sweet as he is, he has quite a temper. When he's angry, it's usually because he wants something I won't let him have, or I take something away from him that he wasn't supposed to grab in the first place. When this happens, he throws himself on the floor, stiffens his body and his fists, and screams. Then he gets even more mad that he's hurt himself, and looks at me with huge eyes and yells "OWWW!", like it was my fault he got hurt. I have to hide my laughter because I'm still trying to figure out the best way to nip this in the bud. I've tried ignoring his behavior, and that does not decrease his fits. I try to say "no temper" while looking straight into his eyes and shaking my head "no", and that doesn't work. The only thing that sort-of works is when I look at him and say "no, that's not okay" in a very serious voice, and then distract him with something else. He is very curious about things, and points at a lot of different items and looks at me expectantly. He says a handful of words, but understands a lot more than he can express. I look forward to each day to see what new thing he will learn.

On the work front, I feel fortunate to still have a job, especially with the horrendous budget deficits in California. I've been a speech therapist for 10 years and this is the first time that I am worried about my job for next year. I got a letter from HR that basically says my position is not guaranteed for next year. I have mixed feelings - I've never been laid off before, but it wouldn't be horrible. I love the school I'm at, even though my caseload his high. I see about 47 kids in 3 days, which is too high. However, the cases are not as difficult as what I've been used to in the past. Even my two "high profile" families are kittens compared to the parents I've worked with previously. A bonus is that the staff members are not as cliquish as other schools I've been at, and people seem to be genuinely grateful for the services I provide. It sounds basic, but it just doesn't always happen, especially at high SES schools.

On the personal front, I have goals of becoming more organized (I currently cannot see my kitchen table because of all the stuff piled on it), and I'd like to lose weight. I was watching Oprah and Bob Green was on there talking about the underlying reasons why people are overweight. I thought about it for a while, and I thought it was hogwash. The reason why I'm overweight is because I'm lazy and unmotivated at this particular point in my life. It doesn't need to be more complicated than that. Also, different people have either mentioned my weight directly to me, or have hinted about it, both of which piss me off. My major personality flaw is that when someone pushes me, I push back. It's almost an instinct for me. So some people go through life pushing others to do things, and it works for some. But not for me. I have to want it, and it won't happen any other way. On a positive note, I'm starting to pick up knitting and quilting again, which keeps me busy when Jellybean goes to bed. Also, I go walking with a friend on one or two weeknights, and she's actually able to keep a decent pace. Baby steps.

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas

This is Jellybean's first picture with Santa. This is the moment right between "gee, your beard is awfully white - can I pull on it?" and "Mommy, this is a scary man - get me offa his lap!!". This is the only shot the elf got before he started crying. Hope this gets everyone in the holiday spirit!!

Happy Halloween from Pooh-Bee!

Top 100 Songs from my year of Graduation

I got this idea from TSHS. I thought that my blog could use one post not related to baby stuff.

The songs I like are in bold. I think it's sad that I only like 6 songs from 1990. But jeez, can ya blame me? What a load of crap! I guess I forgot how many truly awful songs came from that era.

1. Hold On, Wilson Phillips
2. It Must Have Been Love, Roxette
3. Nothing Compares 2 U, Sinead O'Connor
4. Poison, Bell Biv Devoe
5. Vogue, Madonna
6. Vision Of Love, Mariah Carey
7. Another Day In Paradise, Phil Collins
8. Hold On, En Vogue
9. Cradle Of Love, Billy Idol
10. Blaze Of Glory, Jon Bon Jovi
11. Do Me!, Bell Biv Devoe (very subtle)
12. How Am I Supposed To Live Without You, Michael Bolton (blech!)
13. Pump Up The Jam, Technotronic
14. Opposites Attract, Paula Abdul (I cannot STAND her voice)
15. Escapade, Janet Jackson
16. All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You, Heart
17. Close To You, Maxi Priest
18. Black Velvet, Alannah Myles
19. Release Me, Wilson Phillips
20. Don't Know Much, Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville
21. All Around The World, Lisa Stansfield
22. l Wanna Be Rich, Calloway (what a song to signify the times)
23. I Remember You, Skid Row
24. Rub You The Right Way, Johnny Gill
25. She Ain't Worth It, Glenn Medeiros Featuring Bobby Brown (who the hell is Glenn Medeiros?)
26. If Wishes Came True, Sweet Sensation
27. The Power, Snap
28. (Can't Live Without Your) Love and Affection, Nelson
29. Love Will Lead You Back, Taylor Dayne
30. Don't Wanna Fall In Love, Jane Child
31. Two To Make It Right, Seduction
32. Sending All My Love, Linear
33. Unskinny Bop, Poison
34. Step By Step, New Kids On The Block
35. Dangerous, Roxette
36. We Didn't Start The Fire, Billy Joel
37. I Don't Have The Heart, James Ingram
38. Downtown Train, Rod Stewart
39. Rhythm Nation, Janet Jackson (actually, this song wasn't bad)
40. I'll Be Your Everything, Tommy Page
41. Roam, B-52's
42. Everything, Jody Watley
43. Back To Life, Soul II Soul
44. Here and Now, Luther Vandross
45. Alright, Janet Jackson
46. Ice Ice Baby, Vanilla Ice
47. Blame It On The Rain, Milli Vanilli (I forgot about these lip syncing flame outs)
48. Have You Seen Her, M.C. Hammer
49. With Every Beat Of My Heart, Taylor Dayne
50. Come Back To Me, Janet Jackson
51. No More Lies, Michel'le
52. Praying For Time, George Michael
53. How Can We Be Lovers, Michael Bolton
54. Do You Remember, Phil Collins
55. Ready Or Not, After 7
56. U Can't Touch This, M.C. Hammer (gotta love those parachute pants)
57. I Wish It Would Rain Down, Phil Collins
58. Just Between You and Me, Lou Gramm
59. Something Happened On The Way To Heaven, Phil Collins
60. Black Cat, Janet Jackson
61. Can't Stop, After 7
62. Janie's Got A Gun, Aerosmith
63. The Humpty Dance, Digital Underground
64. I'll Be Your Shelter, Taylor Dayne
65. Free Fallin', Tom Petty
66. Giving You The Benefit, Pebbles
67. Enjoy The Silence, Depeche Mode
68. Love Song, Tesla
69. Price Of Love, Bad English
70. Girls Nite Out, Tyler Collins
71. King Of Wishful Thinking, Go West
72. What Kind Of Man Would I Be?, Chicago
73. Get Up! (Before The Night Is Over), Technotroic
74. Here We Are, Gloria Estefan
75. Epic, Faith No More
76. Love Takes Time, Mariah Carey
77. Just Like Jesse James, Cher
78. Love Shack, B-52's (LOVE this song - it's still on my iPOD)
79. All Or Nothing, Milli Vanilli
80. Romeo, Dino
81. Everybody Everybody, Black Box
82. I Go To Extremes, Billy Joel
83. Whip Appeal, Babyface
84. Oh Girl, Paul Young
85. C'mon and Get My Love, D-Mob With Cathy Dennis
85. (It's Just) The Way That You Love Me, Paula Abdul
87. We Can't Go Wrong, Cover Girls
88. When I'm Back On My Feet Again, Michael Bolton
89. Make You Sweat, Keith Sweat
90. This One's For The Children, New Kids On The Block (ack! These guys were just on tour here)
91. What It Takes, Aerosmith
92. Forever, Kiss (Maybe this is a different KISS than the one I remember...)
93. Jerk Out, Time
94. Just A Friend, Biz Markie
95. Whole Wide World, A'me Lorain
96. Without You, Motley Crue
97. Swing The Mood, Jive Bunny and The Mastermixers
98. Thieves In The Temple, Prince
99. Mentirosa, Mellow Man Ace
100. Tic-Tac-Toe, Kyper

Really, other than listening to oldies and country, I am a true 80's girl. My first tape cassette was Madonna's "Like a Virgin". My first concert was Huey Lewis. My favorite concert was Steve Perry. In my graduation pictures, my hair was frickin' huge! I had leather boots with the fringy things on them. Long live black eyeliner and Aqua Net!!!

Middle of the Road

That's what kind of person I am - middle of the road. With most issues in life, I don't usually think that one way is the only way, and I'm not a person who embraces the extremes. However, with the sleep deprivation I've been suffering lately, I feel extremely bitchy and extremely exhausted. But I can't let those extremes influence how I deal with Jellybean and his sleep issues of late.

In the beginning, I didn't know what to expect, so when Jellybean slept 4-5 hours at a stretch as a newborn, I was thrilled. By the time he was four months old, he was sleeping at least 10-12 hours at night. He was not like other babies, who sometimes got their days and nights confused. He also took at least two naps a day on most days, which helped me keep myself centered.

All of that came to a screeching halt in July. Several things happened at the same time - he got yet another cold, he slept in the Pack N Play in our room instead of his own crib, I tried some pajamas from the Children's Place (I think these sleepers are made for skinny alien babies and not any babies with any kind of baby fat), and we were attempting some day trips that required Jellybean to sit in the car for longer than he was used to. At that point, Jellybean started waking up at least once during the night, but often times he woke 2 or 3 times in a 10 hour period. That may not seem horrible, but when you're used to status quo, which had been no night wakings, it was a shock to the system. At first, I thought it was because he was sick, so I did whatever I needed to do to comfort Jellybean - rocking, pacing, running the shower, nursing, and various combinations of the aforementioned. My summer off of work was about to come to an abrupt halt with me getting a new job, so I was desperate to get some kind of sleep.

I have read the "No Cry Sleep Solution" and found it too difficult to follow. Plus, I'm not a "hearts and flowers" type of mom, and I don't believe in totally sacrificing my own sanity for the sake of my child. When K was a baby, I used the "cry it out" approach religiously, which did work, but left me feeling like a horrible parent. So I've tried the two extremes, neither of which fit my personality or my world views. At the advice of my pediatrician, I picked up the book "The Baby Whisperer" by Tracy Hogg. I like her "middle of the road" approach to creating better sleep habits for babies. She does not advocate letting a baby cry it out alone, but does not advocate using a ton of "props" designed to help a baby sleep. In a nutshell, the baby whisperer emphasizes the importance of routine (which is different than a schedule), and using the pick up/put down method. You watch for signs that your baby is tired and put him to bed in his own crib. If he cries, go to him and pick him up and comfort him until he stops crying. The minute he stops crying, put him back in his crib. If he starts fussing, try using gentle words and a calming hand on his back. If he still cries, pick him up and comfort him. Lather, rinse, repeat as needed.

We tried this last night for the first time and it was painful. It took an hour to get Jellybean to sleep. But, as with any behavior modification plan, the behavior you're seeking to change gets worse for a time until you see the light at the end of the tunnel. At 1 a.m., Jellybean woke again because he was too cold. Using the plan, I had him back to sleep in his own crib in less than 5 minutes, and he did not wake again until 6:30 this morning. At naptime today, it was painful again, but took half the time it did last night to get Jellybean to sleep. We'll see what happens tonight.

I'm committed to trying this approach because it seems like something both H and I can live with (which is essential). It's pointless to try to change any behavior using a method that both parents won't follow through with. Also, I feel like I'm trying to create a sleep habit that will be healthier for all of us. The cherry on top is that I don't feel like I'm abandoning Jellybean in his hour of need - that he knows I'm there to comfort him and help him in this process. Hopefully soon, Jellybean will return to sleeping a full blissfully content night on most nights of the week so I can get back to the middle of the road.

*Update: The first night I tried this approach with JB, it took at least an hour or more to get him to bed. The next night took 15 minutes, and tonight took 5 minutes. Last night I was not able because we got back late from a friend's house. We'll see what the pattern looks like this week. Of course, it doesn't help that we'll be going out of town on Friday.

Finally!

Finally, I found a way to look at our presidential candidates that makes sense and asks the questions that need to be asked. I have watched only clips of some of the speeches from both conventions. I did watch all of Sarah Palin's speech on youtube. She presents very well, is a very solid public speaker, but I didn't feel like she told me anything of substance that I could grab onto.

After watching this forum at the request of my mother, who almost never engages me in political discussions, I feel like I have something of substance with which to really look at the differences between Obama and McCain. The first thing that Pastor Warren said is what I feel in my heart - that what is needed in our country right now is for people to quit attacking each other because of differing political views. Keep that in mind, each candidate was asked the same questions, which were prefaced at times with either some biblical or philosophical references. Some of the questions I didn't care much about, especially the ones about religion (faith-based institutions). The questions I liked the best were: "what do you consider your greatest moral failure, and this country's greatest moral failure?" and "was there an issue that you have changed your views on in the past 10 years?".

Each candidate did well in answering tough questions. I think McCain looked better during this forum because his speech was more fluid. Obama had too many hesitations in his speaking, which most people would perceive as being "unsure". As far as the issues, my values are more aligned with Obama's than McCain's. However, after seeing this forum, I felt like both candidates care about the direction our country is headed and both would do a decent job as president. Then again, I've had some lowered expectations as a result of the last 8 years and where I see our country right now.