If You Can't Say Something Nice....
As a result of being increasingly annoyed at my students' conduct towards one another lately, I decided to do a social lesson today for my groups. It was about "being nice". I explained about how we are around some people we like and some people we don't like, and that it's okay if we don't like everyone we meet. It's funny though, because I teach these things through a series of yes/no questions that I ask the kids. It goes something like this:
Me: "Do you like everyone you meet?"
Kids: "Yes." (while nodding their heads in an automaton fashion)
Me: "Well, you know, it's okay if you don't like everyone you meet - that's normal."
Kids: (silence)
Me: "However, even if you don't like someone, is it ever okay to say mean things to them?"
Kids: "Noooo" (while moving their heads in a cross between an affirmative nod and an emphatic no-shake that ends up looking like their heads are moving in a circular motion)
Me: "Have you ever heard of the Golden Rule?"
Kids: (Baffled questioning stare directed at me)
Me: "It means to treat others how you want to be treated."
Kids: (Nod their heads sagely)
Me: "Let's practice so that I know you understand."
Kids: "Okay, Miss Jen"
Following their "okay", I write on the white board a list of "nice things to say to others". The kids try to contribute, but need help in saying appropriate things. So, I break it down further and I tell them statements and they are to tell me if what I'm saying is nice or mean. What I was hoping to follow was for the students to start telling me nice things to say. Instead, I received requests for "mean things we shouldn't say". I frown because that list could easily become longer than the "nice things..." list. In the end, I end up saying, in several different ways, that if you can't say something nice to someone, you should say nothing. Internally, I'm having difficulty figuring out how to explain to them (keep in mind this is a group of first and second graders who are some of my lower-functioning students) that you should only say nice things if you mean them and how to look for the subtle differences between two statements that contain the same words, but can mean very different things. I guess, for the moment, it's good enough that I got promises from the children that they would say nice things to others or not say anything. We have to start somewhere....
Me: "Do you like everyone you meet?"
Kids: "Yes." (while nodding their heads in an automaton fashion)
Me: "Well, you know, it's okay if you don't like everyone you meet - that's normal."
Kids: (silence)
Me: "However, even if you don't like someone, is it ever okay to say mean things to them?"
Kids: "Noooo" (while moving their heads in a cross between an affirmative nod and an emphatic no-shake that ends up looking like their heads are moving in a circular motion)
Me: "Have you ever heard of the Golden Rule?"
Kids: (Baffled questioning stare directed at me)
Me: "It means to treat others how you want to be treated."
Kids: (Nod their heads sagely)
Me: "Let's practice so that I know you understand."
Kids: "Okay, Miss Jen"
Following their "okay", I write on the white board a list of "nice things to say to others". The kids try to contribute, but need help in saying appropriate things. So, I break it down further and I tell them statements and they are to tell me if what I'm saying is nice or mean. What I was hoping to follow was for the students to start telling me nice things to say. Instead, I received requests for "mean things we shouldn't say". I frown because that list could easily become longer than the "nice things..." list. In the end, I end up saying, in several different ways, that if you can't say something nice to someone, you should say nothing. Internally, I'm having difficulty figuring out how to explain to them (keep in mind this is a group of first and second graders who are some of my lower-functioning students) that you should only say nice things if you mean them and how to look for the subtle differences between two statements that contain the same words, but can mean very different things. I guess, for the moment, it's good enough that I got promises from the children that they would say nice things to others or not say anything. We have to start somewhere....
posted by Notta Wallflower at 3:37 PM
6 Comments:
too funny. i love the first question and response.
Tessence - Even though this group of kids is my most challenging (because of behavior and how low they are), they are very fun to work with and they don't know how to be anything but honest. I need to tape record a few sessions to see what I look like and to catch what the kids are doing - I hate videoing myself though. :-P
You tried! ;)
Can I have a copy of the list of bad things to say? You never know when that could come in handy.
TSHS - The bad list were things that I've heard the kids say to each other like "you did a bad job" and "nice watch, Mr. Bling-bling" (in a sarcastic tone). I didn't say some of the other bad things I've heard, but they got the idea. :-P
DANG! Kids usually come up with WAY better insults than I can. I was hoping for some good ones. ;)
TSHS - Keep in mind these are mostly first grade boys with pretty significant cognitive and academic challenges. However, I find it interesting that I have to prompt them to use a complete sentence for requesting things, but they can use complete sentences on their own to insult each other!
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