Father Figure
So, in order to do a very important printing job, I went and splurged on the Canon Pixma M500 All-In-One printer. It was very easy to set up, but I had been looking forward to just having a scanner because of the plethora of old photos I would like to edit. You can guess that it wasn't long before I got distracted from the original reason I purchased this machine and started rifling through old photos. I came across several that my grandma had given me from when I was a very young girl.
Recently, I've been asked to complete an exercise that addresses "old baggage" and how it still influences me today. Because of this activity, I have been hyperfocused on the men who were not healthy influences throughout my life - mainly my stepfather. But my heart softened a bit when I saw all the pictures of me with my Grandpa. If there was a steady male in my life, he was it. Grandpa was the person I knew I could go to whenever I needed anything, even a good "straightening out".
This special relationship I had with him started at a very young age. I remember being very excited any time I knew that Grandpa was going to come get me. I waited by the window of our place and watched for his truck. My grandma told me about one time when Grandpa passed by and didn't pick me up, but I had seen him. My mother called my grandmother to ask what happened because I was inconsolable and she couldn't figure out why. That was the last time he passed by our place without picking me up.
For a few short years, my brother and I lived with our grandparents, which was a very good time for me. It was our ritual during hot summer evenings to lie on the living room floor with our pillows, watch TV, and eat green grapes.
Grandma and Grandpa lived on a farm, and I spent most of the days when I was not in school following grandpa around as he fed the animals and worked on the farm. He took me everywhere with him and was especially kind and loving with me. When I got older and even into young adulthood, I knew he though of me as his daughter, especially because he had not been close to his own daughters. Even when he was angry with me and chewed me out, I knew he would never stop loving me or accepting me.
It's funny that, when I get in the "pity party" mode, I come across something that makes me happy and grateful for what I did have.
Recently, I've been asked to complete an exercise that addresses "old baggage" and how it still influences me today. Because of this activity, I have been hyperfocused on the men who were not healthy influences throughout my life - mainly my stepfather. But my heart softened a bit when I saw all the pictures of me with my Grandpa. If there was a steady male in my life, he was it. Grandpa was the person I knew I could go to whenever I needed anything, even a good "straightening out".
This special relationship I had with him started at a very young age. I remember being very excited any time I knew that Grandpa was going to come get me. I waited by the window of our place and watched for his truck. My grandma told me about one time when Grandpa passed by and didn't pick me up, but I had seen him. My mother called my grandmother to ask what happened because I was inconsolable and she couldn't figure out why. That was the last time he passed by our place without picking me up.
For a few short years, my brother and I lived with our grandparents, which was a very good time for me. It was our ritual during hot summer evenings to lie on the living room floor with our pillows, watch TV, and eat green grapes.
Grandma and Grandpa lived on a farm, and I spent most of the days when I was not in school following grandpa around as he fed the animals and worked on the farm. He took me everywhere with him and was especially kind and loving with me. When I got older and even into young adulthood, I knew he though of me as his daughter, especially because he had not been close to his own daughters. Even when he was angry with me and chewed me out, I knew he would never stop loving me or accepting me.
It's funny that, when I get in the "pity party" mode, I come across something that makes me happy and grateful for what I did have.
posted by Notta Wallflower at 10:40 PM
8 Comments:
My own sentimentality emerges when reading about the treasured moments of your early years. I like wise in private, sometimes, a tear or two is shed.
I think about my grandpa a lot, even though he's been gone for several years now. The pictures just brought it all back - I usually don't look at them much anymore. It was a good thing to find these.
Wow, what a great post and great pictures. This was especially meaningful to me tonight since I just returned from watching Nutmeg spend a happy weekend with her own grandpa. I couldn't stop marveling at how he is like a different person with her -- so attentive, so gentle and loving. Not that he was a *bad* dad most of the time with us, but he certainly didn't drop everything and moon over us like he does with her. There seems to be something really special between some grandfathers and granddaughters, and I'm so glad that Nutmeg is one of the lucky ones.
Tessence - Nutmeg is very lucky to have your dad in her life. My mom is pretty much the same with K as she was with us, but my grandparents went nuts over him. They did with us, though, too. I'm just glad that they lived long enough to know him. I know it's probably been hard to adjust to living back in the midwest, but isn't it nice to have family closeby? I know I miss mine. :-)
Kids learn so much on a farm! Unfortunately, all my relatives retired from farming before my kids could experience farm life. :(
TSHS - I don't know that I could hold my own on the farm anymore. It's been an awfully long time. Some things I never got used to... like butchering time. :-/
Very nice.
mybfiscrazy - I think what it boils down to is that any of us women are lucky if there is one male role model in our lives who accept and love us for who we are. I wonder how many women have messed up relationships with men because of a lack of that. Similarly, I wonder how many men are looking for things from women in relationships that they never received from their mothers or another important female.
kari - :-)
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