Getting By on Looks
This is a concept that has never occurred to me, although I know other people who try to "get by in life" by using their "cuteness factor". It's not that I'm against people being cute, or even using their looks to get certain things (like free drinks). It's just that I don't surround myself with people who do that, and personally, I've always had to use smarts or good old fashioned hard work to get somewhere. I figure that even if I had "cuteness" going for me, it only lasts a while, then is gone.
I work with a little girl who scares me because she thinks she can use her looks to get out of work - for the purposes of anonymity, I will call her Susie. As long as things are going her way, Susie will smile at me and flash her big brown eyes at me. When I ask her to do something challenging, she shuts down and becomes, for lack of a better description, a little brat. If we are playing a game, she has to pick the game, she has to be first, and most importantly, she HAS to win. Susie is in the second grade and is only seven years old and truly is a very cute little girl.... when things go her way. I wonder how seven year olds learn such behavior (head-scratch). Now, I should preface the following part of this blog entry by saying that one thing I will always remember from going to church is my pastor saying that loving parents give their children boundaries, because it shows the child that the parent cares about them (whether or not the child realizes it is a different issue). I don't know why that stuck with me over the years, but it did. That is not only how I treat my own son, but it's how I treat the kids I work with. When I started treating Susie this way at the beginning of the school year, I thought for sure I'd lose her - like when I purposely let her lose games, or when I said "suck it up and deal with it" when she began pouting because someone else picked the game, or when I would sit quietly and wait for her to do the difficult task I asked her to do without letting her get out of it. At first, she didn't like it and would try to get out of coming to speech therapy. Not one to be daunted (and also being stubborn as a mule), I kept on with what I was doing. A few weeks ago, Susie started bringing her friends by my office and introducing them to me. Just last week, she started giving me side-hugs (kids are only allowed to give me side hugs if they are tall enough that their head is anywhere in the vicinity of my chest). Because I care about her, she will learn that she will not get by on her looks when she's with me.
I work with a little girl who scares me because she thinks she can use her looks to get out of work - for the purposes of anonymity, I will call her Susie. As long as things are going her way, Susie will smile at me and flash her big brown eyes at me. When I ask her to do something challenging, she shuts down and becomes, for lack of a better description, a little brat. If we are playing a game, she has to pick the game, she has to be first, and most importantly, she HAS to win. Susie is in the second grade and is only seven years old and truly is a very cute little girl.... when things go her way. I wonder how seven year olds learn such behavior (head-scratch). Now, I should preface the following part of this blog entry by saying that one thing I will always remember from going to church is my pastor saying that loving parents give their children boundaries, because it shows the child that the parent cares about them (whether or not the child realizes it is a different issue). I don't know why that stuck with me over the years, but it did. That is not only how I treat my own son, but it's how I treat the kids I work with. When I started treating Susie this way at the beginning of the school year, I thought for sure I'd lose her - like when I purposely let her lose games, or when I said "suck it up and deal with it" when she began pouting because someone else picked the game, or when I would sit quietly and wait for her to do the difficult task I asked her to do without letting her get out of it. At first, she didn't like it and would try to get out of coming to speech therapy. Not one to be daunted (and also being stubborn as a mule), I kept on with what I was doing. A few weeks ago, Susie started bringing her friends by my office and introducing them to me. Just last week, she started giving me side-hugs (kids are only allowed to give me side hugs if they are tall enough that their head is anywhere in the vicinity of my chest). Because I care about her, she will learn that she will not get by on her looks when she's with me.
posted by Notta Wallflower at 3:47 PM
6 Comments:
Have you met her mother?
I firmly believe that kids crave boundaries. They make them feel safe and loved. Kids will make your life(and everybody else's) a living hell until you set boundaries for them. The tragedies happen when parents don't catch on and NEVER set boundaries.
I've met her mother - she's very busy and very scattered. Her father sounds like he dotes on his daughter, from what little Susie has told me....
Ahhhh, so it's DADDY'S fault then. I always tend to blame the mother first, but I SHOULD know that a LOT of "Daddy's little girls" get by on cute.
I should know better, as my own husband was guilty of this for the first 2 yrs of our daughter's life.
Julia - I have no idea what's being taught at home. Conferences are starting though, so I'll be having a very real chat with the parents.
TSHS - After meeting her mom and after what little Susie says, yeah, I'd say it's the dad. See, you have first hand experience. :-P
my pastor saying that loving parents give their children boundaries, because it shows the child that the parent cares about them
That's one good pastor.
You're doing the right thing. My wife is the same way with the kids she used to take care of. She wouldn't give them an inch, and ironically, it was her they all looked up to.
ZS - It's been a long time since I went to church, but yeah, he was a pretty good pastor. Your wife sounds like she was good at caring for children - it takes a special person to have kids actually look up to you. :-)
Post a Comment
<< Home