Watch Out for the Worryman!
I've been working with kids for the past seven years and I have a child of my own, and I am continually amazed and amused with the things they say. Here are a few clips for your amusement:
I'm driving in my car with my son to take him on vacation a few years ago and I pop in my disco 70's CD and pretty soon, Donna Summer comes on to sing about wanting some "Hot Stuff":
Me: (Belting out the words to "Hot Stuff" - off key)
K: Mom, what is "hot stuff"? Does she want some jalapenos?? (In a seriously inquiring voice)
Me: (EJECT, EJECT, EJECT - Why won't the damn CD eject?!?)
Working with a student today whose second language is English - I'm testing him for possible language/speech delays:
Me: "Edward worries all the time. People call him a....."
Student: "Worryman"
Back in grad school, I worked with a boy with Asperger's on language and social skills:
Me: (Explaining what I want him to do for homework)
Student: You're breath smells REALLY bad!
Me: Okay, and my homework is to bring breath mints for next session!
(While his mom sits behind one-way glass observing and is mortified)
Working with a fourth grade girl who can't say her /k/ sounds:
Me: Ohhh... is that a new backpack?
Student: Yeah, it's my Hello Titty batpat - my mom dot (got) it for me!
Me: Maybe there's another name we can use for Hello Kitty.... (blushing)
*Note to parents - please don't buy your kids Hello Kitty gear if they can't say their /k/ sounds!
Working with a pretty high level autistic second grader on his language skills:
Me: Okay, you need to describe ________ for me - tell me as much as you can.
Student: (Gives me a glare) Jen, if you make me say too many words, my head will asplode!
Me: Well, we'll just have to take that chance. (winks at student)
Working with a group of language delayed first graders on their categorization skills:
Me: Okay, we're going to work on completing categories today. I'll go first so you will know what to do. I'm going to tell you three fruits - pears, apples, bananas. Now your turn - tell me three sports things.
Student: Clits.
Me: Excuse me... what did you say?
Student: Clits.
Me: (long pause) Ohhhhh, honey, you mean CLEEEEEEETS!
Working with two fourth grade boys on similarities and differences:
Me: Okay, Joey just told us how a window and a door are similar and different. Now Tommy, tell us how a boy and a girl are similar and different.
Student: Well, umm... they are both people... and umm... how they are different (long pause) is that girls have two private parts and boys have three.
Me: (scratch my head - long pause) Okay... moving on!
I'm driving in my car with my son to take him on vacation a few years ago and I pop in my disco 70's CD and pretty soon, Donna Summer comes on to sing about wanting some "Hot Stuff":
Me: (Belting out the words to "Hot Stuff" - off key)
K: Mom, what is "hot stuff"? Does she want some jalapenos?? (In a seriously inquiring voice)
Me: (EJECT, EJECT, EJECT - Why won't the damn CD eject?!?)
Working with a student today whose second language is English - I'm testing him for possible language/speech delays:
Me: "Edward worries all the time. People call him a....."
Student: "Worryman"
Back in grad school, I worked with a boy with Asperger's on language and social skills:
Me: (Explaining what I want him to do for homework)
Student: You're breath smells REALLY bad!
Me: Okay, and my homework is to bring breath mints for next session!
(While his mom sits behind one-way glass observing and is mortified)
Working with a fourth grade girl who can't say her /k/ sounds:
Me: Ohhh... is that a new backpack?
Student: Yeah, it's my Hello Titty batpat - my mom dot (got) it for me!
Me: Maybe there's another name we can use for Hello Kitty.... (blushing)
*Note to parents - please don't buy your kids Hello Kitty gear if they can't say their /k/ sounds!
Working with a pretty high level autistic second grader on his language skills:
Me: Okay, you need to describe ________ for me - tell me as much as you can.
Student: (Gives me a glare) Jen, if you make me say too many words, my head will asplode!
Me: Well, we'll just have to take that chance. (winks at student)
Working with a group of language delayed first graders on their categorization skills:
Me: Okay, we're going to work on completing categories today. I'll go first so you will know what to do. I'm going to tell you three fruits - pears, apples, bananas. Now your turn - tell me three sports things.
Student: Clits.
Me: Excuse me... what did you say?
Student: Clits.
Me: (long pause) Ohhhhh, honey, you mean CLEEEEEEETS!
Working with two fourth grade boys on similarities and differences:
Me: Okay, Joey just told us how a window and a door are similar and different. Now Tommy, tell us how a boy and a girl are similar and different.
Student: Well, umm... they are both people... and umm... how they are different (long pause) is that girls have two private parts and boys have three.
Me: (scratch my head - long pause) Okay... moving on!
posted by Notta Wallflower at 4:49 PM
11 Comments:
Me: Ohhh... is that a new backpack?
Student: Yeah, it's my Hello Titty batpat - my mom dot (got) it for me!
Me: Maybe there's another name we can use for Hello Kitty.... (blushing)
Heh. These are all two funny, but today, we were just talking about Hello Kitty. I'll never think of that the same way again.
By the way, I'd like to thank my speech therapist. I don't remember his name, nor what he looked like. I couldn't say R's. I'm so glad I had that guy in 2nd or 3rd grade. It would have sucked to go through life without being able to say R. So if you're out there, Mr. Speech Therapist, thanks.
I had no idea you saw a speech therapist, but a lot of people have. I'm always surprised when people sort of know what I do. :-P
Sorry for ruining Hello Kitty for ya, but there was an important lesson to be learned.
Julia - I never did ask because, truthfully, I didn't want to know. :-P Apparently, girls are also missing a vital part. I guess the rule is "if it doesn't stick out, it doesn't count".
these are so great! thanks for brightening my day! :)
Storm - It's cute if she's not saying "hello kitty". :-P
Bert - No problem. I'm sure you have some good ones too. :-)
Justice - I know I have more in my head. I sometimes kick myself for not writing them down. :-P
Hahaaaa...so funny and cute! I think "hello kitty" made me laugh the most...thanks for sharing these!
Eren - My pleasure. I'm continually amazed at your artwork, btw. :-) I always look forward to seeing the latest picture that you make.
Hello Titty. That has GOT to be a porn movie already.
Here's one: I'm visiting a friend whose mother immigrated from Taiwan years ago. His dad's a pastor. We go to church, then in the car on the way home, his mom sings to her baby niece:
"The itchy-bitchy spider went up the water spout."
As my friend and I disengage our seatbelts so our laughter won't suffocate us, the pastor/dad mildly tells her, "Honey, it don't think that's how it goes."
She insisted she was right and he was wrong.
AWww... the itchy bitchy spider. LOL - I like that one. :-P
Yeah, I'm sure Hello Titty has already been thought up, it's just that it's so funny hearing it come out of a kid's mouth when they have no idea what they're saying.
Notta - One of these days, I should do a thank you post to my speech therapist. I'm so glad he was in my life.
I now take huge pride in my speaking ability. I have a way of succeeding in almost every interview. I love doing spoken word. I used to debate politicians and some day, I'll run for Congress. Have no problem at all speaking in front of crowds. Never get nervous.
Had it not been for this speech therapist, I'd be a completely different person. I wouldn't have the confidence I do today in my speaking ability.
So, since I don't remember his name, I'll give all speech therapists a big thank you for the work you do. That includes you. :)
Thank you.
ZS - Aww, thanks. :-)
For as much as I complain about my job sometimes, the hard part is not working with the kids. The hard parts are everything else - the kids are what makes it fun. :-)
Post a Comment
<< Home