Daydee Du
This is what my little kindergarten boy says to me (which, roughly translated is "ladies first") as he holds the door open for me on our way to speech today. The other day, a sixth grade boy I just met shook my hand as he left my office! Last week, I am told by a very language impaired second grader that "You are looking very beautiful today, Miss Jen". This seems to be a theme lately - my students surprising me at their impeccable manners. I didn't think children were taught manners anymore. I'm flabbergasted!! Most of the time, I am used to students who forget to say "please", "thank you", "I'm sorry", and who don't know how to respect their elders. These are things I teach my students because most of them aren't taught these things at home. This is hard for me to deal with because my brother and I were taught these basic manners, so my expectations are a bit high.
It says a lot about our society (and its decline) when I get a genuine "thank you" for calling to cancel and reschedule an appointment instead of just not showing up at all. Or when an elderly gentleman looks at me with disbelief, followed by a soft-voiced "thank you", when I hand him a business card that he has been trying unsuccessfully to pick up from the receptionist's desk. Drivers give me a look like they would kiss me if they could just for letting them in traffic when attempting to exit a parking lot. No, I don't always mind my manners, but I feel guilty when I don't. I think this is an oddity and something that needs to make its way back into our society - basic manners.
It says a lot about our society (and its decline) when I get a genuine "thank you" for calling to cancel and reschedule an appointment instead of just not showing up at all. Or when an elderly gentleman looks at me with disbelief, followed by a soft-voiced "thank you", when I hand him a business card that he has been trying unsuccessfully to pick up from the receptionist's desk. Drivers give me a look like they would kiss me if they could just for letting them in traffic when attempting to exit a parking lot. No, I don't always mind my manners, but I feel guilty when I don't. I think this is an oddity and something that needs to make its way back into our society - basic manners.
posted by Notta Wallflower at 5:56 PM
10 Comments:
Yeah, we grew up with manners, and to be considerate of the people around you.
Good to see you're teaching kids manners. It really needs to be done.
ZS - I have had a discussion with fellow co-workers and academic success usually gets brought up. I usually say something like, "I don't care what a kid can do academically... if he can't make it socially, he can't make it". Good manners is just part of social skills.
Soooo true. I remember when I was a kid, my parents were always a little ticked when they would drop off my friends in the car and the friends would hop out and say, "Bye," and never "Thanks for the ride." I'll never forget how it bothered them and hurt their feelings. And I knew my friends were totally obvivious. Their parents just never taught them that it's important to say thank-you. I'm not going to let Nutmeg go out into the world without knowing that.
Tessence - You guys are doing great with Nut -- she is pretty well rounded, as much as I can tell. :-)
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On the 29th ( yesterday ) her blog was abt integrity. Please go check it out: ( and read the comments so you can see what I said, too! )
Notta - "I don't care what a kid can do academically... if he can't make it socially, he can't make it".
that's too funny. I was just explaining this to my co-worker. Her son told her that her daughter shouldn't go to Chico State because it's a "party school." I was telling her that's why she should go. She has a low charisma, and I'm convinced that social skills are more important than brains. Not taking anything away from brains, but I think you know what mean.
I'm such a stickler on this that I've actually managed to teach my husband manners too. Yes, he WAS raised by wolves.
My pet peeve is kids that don't answer when spoken too, especially teens.
~d - I'll check it out at some point.
ZS - Well, my statement is an oversimplification, but I was trying to make a point to this person that kids can be academically above average and still be suffering. What fun is life with no friends? So, yeah, I know what you mean. :-)
TSHS - Well, I think that manners are more difficult for males. After women's lib, some women didn't want doors held open for them, among other things. I like when a door is held open, though, especially at work.
Regarding not being answered, I work with one teen in particular who tries not to answer me. He comes in a group with two other students. When he pulls that on me, I give him the "stare down" and calmly state that I will wait for an answer. Then I wait... usually the other two "good kids" squirm and then give him a bad time for being rude. I've also given a call home to parents to let them know his attitude has gotten in the way of him making progress and was quite specific about his behaviors. Now, he behaves himself. Like you, that's something I have no patience for.
I'll bet that kid will remember you, in years to come, as one of the first people he respected!
Julia - I know other people who are like that. It's good that your kids are learning. My barrier to my good manners is when my impatience gets in the way.
TSHS - I'm not sure about his respect. I think he's behaving because he "has to or else...". But I'll take it. :-P
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